Superhero Society

One look at movies over the last few years and anyone can see that superheroes are very popular. X-men, Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Iron Man, The Fantastic Four, The Incredible Hulk and The Punisher have all had movies lately, and Wolverine, Captain America, Thor, and The Avengers are coming soon. It makes sense. What's not to like about someone using supernatural powers or advanced technology to soundly thrash the evildoers of the world? There are problems when these superhero sensations start working their way into our thinking, however.

There are three things needed for a good superhero story: A superhero to save the day, a supervillain who would have ruined the day if it weren't for that pesky superhero and, of course, some person to be saved along with the day.

So if I were to let myself have a superhero story in my daily thoughts, in my daily life, which of those people would I be? Most would consciously choose the  superhero, right? There are those of us, though, that find ourselves playing the victim role.  I think there are very few if any that see themselves as the bad guy.   If I am the superhero, then whoever is causing me difficulty is one of those bad guys and everyone else gets to be the people of Earth whose very existence I will save. What would they do without me?

Some of us take great pleasure in being the superhero, while others feel pressure to play the role. Superheroes are the ones who always feel like they have to save the ones around them. They sacrifice their own health and happiness to pull everyone else out of their problems. Self sacrifice can be admirable, but what good is it to destroy one's own mental, emotional, or physical health to try to save someone else? If we neglect self care, we will soon lose the ability, as well as the motivation, to help others. Something I heard recently, I'm not sure where, "If there were children that you loved, wouldn't they be best served by keeping their mother healthy?" We are not invincible superheroes. We have to keep our own strength up, realize when we need to recharge, and help others from a safe position.

Now let's talk about that nasty old supervillain. If we allow ourselves to see "the other" as a bad guy, evildoer, or even just a rival who should be defeated, we are viewing things in an adversarial way. Yes, there are times to compete against others, but most of the time we would all be better off by working with those who disagree with us rather than against them. Working together with non-like minded individuals can produce surprising results. Imagine playing a game of Scrabble® in which, rather than trying to block points, the players were working together to see how high each could score. How would the game change? Working with adversaries is how our government is supposed to function. The idea is that people on the two sides of the aisle will come together and create better ideas than either would have alone. Too many times we view others as obstacles or adversaries instead of fellow travelers in this existence.

Finally, some people identify most with the victim role in the superhero story. They could be happy/rich/successful if only the circumstances around them were to change. A victim sees their problems as caused or fixed by others: coworkers, relatives, the economy, the government. . . or their problems are due to lacking the right coworker, the right love interest, etc. They believe that none of their problems are their fault, there is nothing they can do about them, so all they do is wait for Superman to swoop in and save them. These folks need to wake up right now. Although circumstances have a lot to do with successes, waiting around to be saved is wasted time. We must stand up and work hard if we want to achieve anything. Yes, it is easier if we are given a trust fund, yes, it is easier with a supportive family, but if those things are not available, it is all the more important to stand up and fight. Being “saved” by someone else won't change the habit of seeing life from a victim's point of view.

Watch all the superhero movies you want, enjoy them, but remember that life is different. Our adversaries aren't always adversaries when we can change our point of view. When we are victims, there is no need to sit around and wait for a hero to save us; we can work to save ourselves. When we feel the pull to be a superhero, we can make sure to keep ourselves healthy first. Remember that just about every superhero has some sort of psychological malfunction. Iron Man -- Egomaniacal thrillseeker, Batman -- absolutely obsessed with avenging the crime against his parents, The Hulk -- don't get me started on the Hulk. We are not superhuman, and we don't have superpowers, but we can do nearly as much good in the world by keeping our own lives balanced.