I spent a few months with no desire to go to anymore tournaments. Then as Master Tom's tournament was coming around again I decided that I would go ahead and participate in that one again. I started looking at my motives, trying to encourage myself to get fired up for it. Then I realized I wanted the tournament to be a means not an end. Instead of training for the tournament I decided to use the tournament to train. I decided to be open to any experience, any learning I could get from the process.
I realized that a lot can be accomplished through a tournament. I realized that the reward is not the hunk of plastic, or admiration of others, or setting an example for others. The reward was the training leading up to the tournament. So by the time I got on the competition floor, I had already won a bigger prize than anyone could give me.
I was no longer competing to win, or competing to set an example, or competing to put on a show.
I was simply competing to compete.
My purpose for competing now is to experience the competition, and be open to any insights or lessons that come from it. I am no longer imposing my will on what I want to get from the competition.
AND I'm having fun.
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